The Story of Us

In 2009, I met the man I thought I would spend the rest of my life with. He was handsome, funny, and seemed completely devoted to me. He was somewhat arrogant, but I naively thought that was simply self-confidence.  I couldn't have been more wrong.  Typhon turned out to be a textbook narcissist, as well as suffering from bipolar disorder and ADHD. 

Although I know I am smart and, before I met Typhon at least, I outwardly projected myself as a strong, independent woman, I have always secretly been insecure, especially about my looks.  I'm not ugly, but I always considered myself lacking when compared to the women around me.  I also wasn't fat at the time when I met Typhon -- I was in a size 10 -- but I saw myself as being incredibly overweight, especially compared to those women I knew who were naturally stick thin. Looking back, it was precisely these insecurities that opened the door for Typhon to assume control over my life. I don't know if I felt like I didn't deserve love or if I simply felt no one would love me. Either way, Typhon's hold over me became so tight that it felt impossible to escape him.

Typhon worked in off-shore oil when we first met.  Actually, we met through a dating website (chemistry.com).  I was working as a judicial clerk following graduation from the Georgetown University Law Center in May 2008, and I had little opportunity to meet people outside of my friends from school, work, and my apartment building.  I joined the dating website in the hopes of having a better chance of meeting my forever person.  When Typhon and I started talking through the dating site in February 2009, he was actually in Vietnam for work. I thought it was so cool that he got to travel so much for work.

Actually, at about the same time I started talking to Typhon, I also started talking to another guy too, who I will call Jason.  I really liked both of them, and I had a hard time choosing between them.  Eventually, though, Typhon forced me to choose, and I ended up choosing Typhon.  I was attracted to both, but Typhon had a college degree (or so he led me to believe -- I found out years later he did not) while Jason did not.  Typhon also seemed to have better long term job prospects, although that didn't turn out to be true either.  I often think about Jason now, and I wonder what would've happened if I had chosen differently.  Would Jason and I be happily married now?  Or would that relationship have ended by now too?

I had broke things off with Jason at Typhon's insistence and, by May 2009 (only 3 or 4 months after we started talking), I moved in with Typhon.  I lived and worked in downtown DC back then, and for some reason I never bothered to check Typhon's online profile to see where he lived.  It turned out he lived about 1.5 hours from DC, west of Fredericksburg, Virginia.  When I moved in, my 5 minute walk turned into at least a 2 hour commute by the time I drove into Fredericksburg, caught the commuter train, then took the Metro to the courthouse.  The commute was even worse after I started working in Big Law following my clerkship since, because my hours were unpredictable, I couldn't rely on being able to make the last commuter train home each evening.  That left me no choice but to drive the whole way, and what should have been a 1.5 hour commute easily turned into 3 or 4 hours each way on I-95.  It was a nightmare. 

Typhon had two 1-year-old yellow Labradors when I met him, and he used to "tease" that he only kept me around at the beginning as a dog sitter.  Looking back, I'm not sure that was far from the truth. 

Regardless, what moving in with Typhon really did was give him the ability to isolate me from my friends in DC.  I couldn't easily hang out after work like I used to, nor could I go out drinking on the weekends because I would have a 2 hour or so drive home afterwards.   On top of that, Typhon always made me feel guilty if I went out, especially while he was at work.  For example, when I joined some friends on a Saturday night to celebrate my birthday one summer while he was out of town, he called me while I was out and tried to guilt trip me about how I was out without him and had "abandoned" the dogs. He also accused me of cheating on him with more than one of my male friends who were present.  I hadn't seen those friends in months at that point, but he left me so upset that I stood outside the bar crying while my friends laughed and drank inside.  I went home early that night and, before I knew it, I lost contact with all of those friends.

There were many red flags that I failed to recognize while we were dating, even though now they seem as obvious as glowing neon signs.  I'm sure they'll be the subject of different posts as I continue this blog.

Typhon and I married in May 2012, and we welcomed our first child in August 2012.  Over the next six years, we welcomed three more children.  The kids are my entire world, and I would endure everything again if it meant ending up with them.  They are worth every ounce of pain I've gone through. 

With each child, though, Typhon became more and more abusive.  It was mainly emotional and verbal.  He constantly put me down, screamed at me, and tried to make it seem like everything was always my fault.  I can't even count the number of times he called me a "stupid b***h" or "c**t" in front of our children.  Although things hadn't yet become physical, he often threatened to hurt me and would throw things "in my direction."   I nonetheless stayed with Typhon because, stupidly, I convinced myself it was best for the kids to have their father around.  I really think I was just a coward.

Things changed in October 2024 when, during one of screaming matches, Typhon put his hands on me for the first time.  I walked away with only bruises in the shapes of fingers on the back of my neck, which is far less than what some women have had to endure.  But that was the last straw for me.  It was the line in the sand I had drawn for myself long ago, and once he crossed it, I was done.  I filed for divorce in November 2024.

Typhon forced me into signing a Cohabitation Agreement that permitted him to continue living in basement after I filed for divorce.  He claimed to have no money to move out.  Really, he just wanted to stay close so he could try to force me to accept his terms on child custody and the finances.  While I thought I was living in a nightmare before I filed for divorce, the period right after I filed while Typhon still lived in the house was on a whole other level.  Since he wasn't allowed on the main level of our home, he would stand at the top of the basement stairs -- which are next to my home office where I work remotely -- screaming about what an awful person I was, how he was going to destroy me, how he was going to take the kids away from me forever, how he was going to send me to jail, etc.  Of course, he used much more colorful language, even when the kids were around. 

Things continued like that until May 2025, when I had to get first an Emergency Protective Order and then a Preliminary Protective Order against Typhon for ramming his shoulder into my back outside our kids' taekwondo studio and slamming the studio's door into my thigh and arm as I tried to walk away from him. The Loudoun County Sheriff's Office served the Emergency Protective Order the night it was served, and Typhon was removed from my home. That was the last time he ever lived with me, although he did return a few times to the property to retrieve his personal property.  I eventually dropped the May Preliminary Protective Order in exchange for favorable terms in the Custody Agreement that gave extra protections to our children.

I sought another Protective Order against Typhon in September 2026.  There were a number of things that happened over the summer, but the straw that broke the camel's back was an email he sent threatening to kill me.  A 2-year Permanent Protective Order was issued on October 1, 2026, which covered me, my mom (who lives with me and whom Typhon hates with a passion), and our 4 kids (he could visit them, but the visitation had to be supervised).  I ended up eventually dropping the October Permanent Protective Order in exchange for favorable terms in the final Divorce Agreement.  I also required the Divorce Agreement to contain similar provisions to a protective order, like Typhon cannot be within 50 feet of me, all communication must be in email and limited to certain specified topics relating to the kids, and he is not allowed on my property.  The enforcement is different than with a protective order, but at least those provisions are there in some form.

The divorce was finalized on March 31, 2026, and the Protective Order was officially dismissed in mid-April 2026.  At first, things weren't too bad -- Typhon was just annoying like a little gnat flying around.  Within the last few weeks, though, Typhon has started becoming more bold and I am once again seriously concerned for my safety. 

I don't know how this story ends, but I hope you'll continue on this adventure with me.